There are some gossips that still stigmatize the noble art of senior flirting, as if from a certain age people press the off button and feel removed from the pleasure, desire, or vital impulse to meet someone and have a partner. But nothing could be further from the truth: those over sixty are feeling more and more free and have things clearer. “People in their 60s are very young, they are still active and are totally up to date with applications and technologies,” says sexologist Eva Moreno, founder of Tapersex and specialist in adult toys.
It's a paradigm shift that has gained momentum in recent years. Dating after 60 is becoming more common and is moving away from the taboo it was in previous generations, especially among older individuals. According to Moreno, it is actually the younger individuals over 60 who hold more prejudices, “because they have a negative view on the sexuality and emotional or sexual capacity of older people.” Additionally, as this sexologist points out, there isn't much difference in the tools used by people in their 40s or 50s when it comes to dating.
People who are 60 years old are very young, they remain active and are up to date with applications”
José Luis Chicón, for example, got divorced in the midst of a career crisis when he was laid off in 2011 with an early retirement after a lifetime dedicated to advertising. “I packed my bags and had to rebuild myself, start again from scratch,” he explains. With this unforeseen push, he took control of his life and changed all his social relationships. He signed up for salsa classes without ever having practiced it before and formed a new circle of friends who went out for drinks. That's where he met his current partner, Paqui, with whom he has been dating for seven years.
“Starting a new relationship after 30 years with the same person is completely new; you have no anchor to know how to act and you're a bit exposed to whatever may come,” says this Argentine-Malagueño, who is now 68 years old. He points out that he didn't have the agility of a single person, which led to the emergence of different dynamics that he had to learn to manage again. “I had to progress as things happened, and above all, try to free myself from emotional burdens in order to venture; and so far, everything that has happened has been good,” he says.
Starting a new relationship after 30 years with the same person is something completely new”
Feeling accompanied seems to be one of the main motivations for entering the dating scene for people over 60, as one of the major concerns in this age group when starting a new relationship, whether stable or sexual, is loneliness. As described by Moreno, individuals in their sixties do not want to feel alone and highly value engaging in activities with others, such as going out to eat, taking excursions, or having someone to talk to.
Above all, make it clear, especially in the case of women. “Unfortunately, there are many men at this age who still seek a type of woman to solve their domestic tasks; the woman is very clear about it, she is tired of being with a man who operates within these parameters and does not want to repeat the pattern. It is important to consider that if a woman reaches 60 without a partner, it is usually because she has made a very conscious decision,” argues the sexologist. In fact, according to data from the National Institute of Statistics (INE) in 2020, 14,128 divorce cases were initiated by women, compared to 7,979 by men.
Additionally, according to the report Divorce in Spain – prepared by the CEU-CEFAS Demographic Observatory – the second age group most likely to divorce is the one between 50 and 59 years old, and the average age is tending to increase. In other words, there are fewer couples who withstand the challenges of the years at all costs, and many more are willing to seek another opportunity.
And it's that the seniors of the 21st century no longer settle or spend their time on the couch. Now they travel, plan new hobbies, practice adventure sports, study, and live another stage squeezing their desire to live. They also flirt, get excited, and have sexual relationships. “We should see all the stories that exist in IMSERSO trips; every day women over 60 come to my store to buy their erotic toys; flirtations happen between rooms as if they were 16 years old, with all the experience they have,” Moreno explains. “Let's debunk the myth that says that older people don't have sex.”
Every day women over 60 years old come to my store to buy their erotic toys”
Those who are over sixty feel more and more free and have things clearer
Something that is also common among the vast majority of users who venture into flirting at this age is that they have fewer filters and less nonsense on top: if they want to flirt, they will flirt, have a casual night of sex, or whatever. The promoter of Tapersex clearly states this: “They are more clear about what they want and express it, intellectually as well as in terms of concerns.”
Pablo de Santiago Valenzuela, a 60-year-old man who openly acknowledges not having difficulty in engaging in conversations or breaking the ice. Although at first he didn't quite fit in with the methodology of dating apps, this Madrid native is now a user of Zyrcled, a new app that was released in August and is characterized by enhancing women's safety and empowering them to take control of their sexual lives. “It has a direct approach, without taboos, and it gives me confidence in dates; since I started using it, I have had three dates and met really nice, healthy people with very clear ideas.”
Each person already knows what they want, how they want it, and with whom they want it, it is perfectly classified (in the app)”
Pablo got divorced 15 years ago and emphasizes that returning to the dating scene wasn't difficult for him, but some emotional fears did arise. “After the divorce, there are always certain doubts or hesitations about repeating mistakes, or simply having bad experiences again, but time helps to stabilize and normalize the situation,” he comments. Now, he admits that dating apps make it easier for him to meet new people given the circumstances of lack of time and work stress—he is a judicial expert and commercial and business development director in the insurance sector. “Everyone already knows what they want, how they want it, and with whom they want it, it's perfectly classified.”
Lola Busquets also opted for dating apps when she wanted to meet someone new, a few years after becoming a widow following a forty-year marriage to a man 22 years older than her. This 68-year-old Barcelona native, settled in Premià de Mar, never gave up on the idea of falling in love again. “I had a lot of love to give and wanted to continue living and loving with the same passion, excitement, and zest for life as if I were 20 years old,” she says.
I had no qualms about signing up for an app, I thought, 'I'll give it a try and see what happens' because I had nothing to lose”
He wasn't much of a partygoer, so he signed up for a dating app, even though he knew its use was still somewhat stigmatized in his age group. “I didn't have any reservations about signing up. I thought, 'I'm going to try and see what happens,' because I had nothing to lose.” Through the digital network, he met Francisco, also a widower, with whom he had a love at first sight. The second time they saw each other, they took things a step further—“he walked me to the car, and as I was leaving with the window rolled down, he was on the sidewalk, he approached and kissed me on the lips without thinking, it was an impulse”—and now they have been together for seven years.
Sexologist Eva Moreno acknowledges that the use of these apps is increasingly on the rise, although she also suspects that a lot of lying is done through them regarding the intentions and desires of the users. “They say they are looking for sex, but there is quite a flagrant lack of honesty because behind the desire or sexual encounter, there is often an interest in finding a more stable partner, both in the case of women and men,” but she repeats that this is a similar dynamic to other age groups. “What I do see is a difference in how clearly they express what they do not want.”
Sexuality begins with oneself, and unfortunately, after a long-term relationship - in most cases - contact with one's own body is relegated, especially in the case of women”
For all those people over 60 who are eager to engage in relationships or be sexually active, who face social stigma, and don't know where to start, Eva Moreno suggests, first and foremost, to overcome shyness and embarrassment. “Sexuality begins with oneself, and unfortunately, after a long-term relationship— in most cases—, contact with one's own body is relegated to a third or fourth place, especially in the case of women,” she states.
Additionally, it is indicated that it is best to have clear intentions and objectives, what is sought and what is wanted, and not to go out to flirt point-blank. “It's okay to have clear characteristics that I want a person to have to be more consciously selective,” something that also benefits self-esteem and the security of each person. Moreno also differentiates between security and fear, ruling out the latter from the equation. “The risks are the same as at any age,” he concludes.